Live From Dilysis

Live From Dialysis, Post # 8

I’ll be reading from this blog on Friday night at the Kleinart James Center for the Arts with Elizabeth Lesser. The talk is called “THROUGH THE STORM: DEVELOPING RESILIENCE, TRUST AND LOVE IN DIFFICULT TIMES“.


We went on WKNY yesterday to promote the event, Jimmy Buff generously invited us on. I am quite inspired by what Jimmy is doing with that radio station, by the way… We are blessed to have him in our community.


Jimmy asked me about the title of the event, about what we mean by “trust” in this context… the pondering began…


When Elizabeth suggested the title, it immediately resonated with me.


I strive every day to bounce back from the challenges that dialysis presents, my resilience. It’s physically, emotionally, socially challenging… There is no doubt how important it is to find a path to resilience… on many levels.


Love, well, love heals all, they say, and while I, unfortunately can’t quite get behind that one, it certainly does a lot. Making my story public has allowed a massive inflow of support. I feel quite blessed knowing how much community I have rooting for me (thank you!). This has absolutely transformed this experience for me and I recommend finding a workable level of transparency to anyone struggling with a serious illness or disease.


Trust.  What exactly does that mean to me? Trust that it’s all going to work out?  Well, I am certainly optimistic… And this is largely due to the community of support, but this isn’t quite it. I think that to invest my trust entirely in the “I can beat this” mentality would be naive… Mainly because if it was up to just me, I am pretty sure that I couldn’t. I am relying on a amazing team of nurses and techs and doctors and surgeons on top of my family and community… so, with them, yes, I am pretty confident.


As long as I surrender to this process and also stay awake and skeptical and engaged, and also continue to allow in the support of my communities… then yes, this is where I place my trust… but this is a living, dynamic trust. Not a flat, pre-ordained, blind trust.


And yet, this definition of trust does not always apply. Not everyone recovers or recovers some sense of normalcy after serious health challenges. For some, the word trust is only applicable in that they must trust that they are part of a process much larger than they are.. For others, they can trust that they will adapt to what their life looks like on the other side of an unwanted or unexpected trial…


Trust is defined personally by everyone facing difficulty, but what is important, as far as I can see, is that it is defined.. or at least felt and leaned into, because without it, we are lost, tumbling in seas of reactions and results and chaos…


So, if nothing else, I want readers of this and attendees to this talk on Friday night, to consider for themselves how Resilience, Love and Trust can be supported, nourished and defined, and invited to play an active role as difficult times present themselves… which I am sure they will.




Ben Fleisher